I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
