I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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