I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is my gift to your gina
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry about my life...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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