Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
