then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
