Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
