Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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