Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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