I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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