remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
