Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
