i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
