i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
