You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize