im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
