People in love make me want to vomit
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
