My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
