i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
