Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
