Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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