So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
