Soap is not a condiment
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
