Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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