Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
