sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize