Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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