can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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