Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
