what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
