I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
