Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
