I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
