Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
