well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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