It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Damn victory sex feels great
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
