And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
