A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
