Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Welp...herpes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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