So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
