Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
