Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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