i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can you bring me the toilet please
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
