I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
