He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Floor bacon is actually really good
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
