Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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