actually, I'm a sock model
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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