i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That accounts for only three of the penises
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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