I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize