Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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