I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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