Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
