Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
