Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
