Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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