forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
