I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
