I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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