How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
