If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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