Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just found a bag of teeth...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Pooping to opera.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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