The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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