Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
