I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
