So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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