I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
