He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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