Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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