Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize