she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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