it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
