she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
