Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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