Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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