This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
