only you would photoshop your dick
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
