Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
