This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
