your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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