You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
